Thursday, December 03, 2009

Target Practice

I stand by the water's edge, focusing on nothing and everything. I don't quite know what that means, but it is during fishing trips that I try out my metaphysical skills for size. A promised trip to see an ex-girlfriend has loomed until it is over me and has become one of those promises which either turns into one of my lies or something I actually manage to fulfil, and so I combine the grown-up apparent necessity of cordiality with a day's fishing enroute.

Above me, F-15s from the vast nearby USAF base crackle and snarl at one another, and I watch them roll and twist with each other, like dolphins on the blue ocean of the sky. The juxtaposition of the isolation of the fens with their roars is striking, and the water seems to occasionally ripple.

After a time though, they appear to be passing directly overhead with unusual frequency, and I begin suspect I am being buzzed. The lone man stood in the middle of nowhere would, I suppose, be quite a good marker to measure the accuracy of your manoeuvres by. However, the sensation of being that man is not dissimilar to the paranoia that people are sniggering at you. I try not to duck in case they see.

Worst of all though is, combined with my lack faith in both people and machines, the idea that maybe, for practise purposes, some sort of missile lock is on me. Would it be completely impossible for someone up there to make a terrible mistake? Those chaps are awfully good at blue on blues after all.

I ponder for a while though if "Man Killed Fishing On Suffolk Fen By US Fighter Jet Attack" would be a more satisfactory way to go than the usual same old same old. It would certainly be an interesting story.

I catch a slimy bream, and decided maybe it is time to be on my way.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Megalith

We weave into a damp Avebury, my stomach still churning slightly from beer and whisky from the night before. It is Sanhaim – Hallowe’en if you prefer – and the village is packed. Hippies, Druids, Crusties, Bikers, Hikers, Pagans, posh kids dressed as skeletons, and two fairly hungover gentleman adorn the picnic benches outside the Red Lion pub on the road that mercilessly slices through the stone circle.

I really like Avebury. It humbles me hugely. Hundreds of stones would have stood here once, in amongst towering ditches, constructed over centuries, an insanely ambitious project spanning dozens of generations of people who would have had enough on their plate with keeping warm, finding food and fending off disease, let alone working out the logistics of moving a sixty ton stone. The whole surrounding area appears to have been something of a hub of culture 4000 years ago – people have been scratching round these parts for a staggering length of time. I dare say, two chaps feeling a bit iffy after too much fermented liquid could have sat on this very spot surveying the odd assortment of people milling about thousands of times over.

Sometimes it just panics me though; the stone circle, the man made hill to the south which is as tall and steep as some of the pyramids in Egypt, the sheer organisation needed for such a project when the local population to draw upon would have been in the mere hundreds. All that effort, and it all so easily could have been lost – much of it was, and really quite quickly too. Legacies are fragile things; if people forget why the assembly of a few hundred huge sarsen stones in a field was so vitally important, what hope for your day to day existence? – and were it not for some smart science, we wouldn’t have had a clue what they’d been up to here. People are still coming here, but the link to those that were here before feels very much severed.


Many of the stones were destroyed in medieval times. Between the church wanting to undermine lingering pagan beliefs (the number of Satanic names given to features at the location is clue enough) and the pragmatic needs of locals for whom the lure of all that masonry proved too great, the days of the stones were numbered. Fires would be lit in pits dug under the stones, which would then be doused with water and, severely weakened, easily broken down. It’s maddening to think about, but, well, I’m sure future generations will despair about the rain forests.

During attempts in the 1930s to re-erect a long fallen stone, the remains of a man were unearthed, crushed beneath. Coins in his pocket revealed he must have met his fate sometime around 1320 – quite possibly in the act of trying to destroy the stone that had stubbornly sat on him for so long – and no-one at the time had been able to retrieve his squashed remains, and over time it had been forgotten that he lay there. The chap’s skeleton was duly removed and taken to London, where for a long time it was believed, with a wonderfully vengeful sense of irony, to have been promptly reduced to dust by a German bomb. Ten years ago though, he was found intact in a cupboard at the Natural History Museum. I must say I prefer the legend over the truth in this case, but either way, at least the stones put up a bit of a fight.

Back in the present day, a pagan wedding is being conducted in the stone circle, and the best man passes me a golden goblet to toast the newly weds with whilst a jolly Druid handfasts them. It is Bucks Fizz that I am drinking, and it courses through me, making me feel momentarily not-awful. My companion snacks on some mushrooms he has found growing in the circle, which I have to concede is hardly an opportunity – given our location – a fellow can turn down.

"Magical, poisonous: it’s all a spiritual adventure, isn’t it?" he summarises.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Squamate

The goldfish in my parents' pond have slowly been disappearing.
"That heron," I say, explaining away the mystery. "It’ll be that heron."

The next day, I am casting an eye over the newspaper in my parents' living room when, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of something colourful from the outside world captures my attention. I don’t have my glasses on, but I get up to peer out of the window, and can make out a goldfish flopping its way across the lawn.

I tear to the back door in pursuit, just catching sight of the errant fish heading into a shrub. I scamper across the lawn, and stick my head into the foliage. I am on the case.

"Whmf?" says the grass snake irritably, speaking with its mouth full as it pauses to observe me.
"Oh I’m sorry," I say. "I saw the… I thought it was… I didn’t realise you were…"
"Umhmm?" says the snake.

I realise our faces are inches apart, and I flee in terror.